i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
