I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
