i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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