The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
