but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
