im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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