all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
