Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My vagina just recognized that song.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
