she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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