she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
This is classic penis vs brain.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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