White coat. Heels.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
