No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
