I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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