If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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