I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
