do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
