I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
