I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
