There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
