there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
