i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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