it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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