We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
