I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
