My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I want her autograph on my taint
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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