just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
