God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
