well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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