Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
