Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
