I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
