none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
