There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
