matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
