And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
