Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
