I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
