also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
