We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
i need to put some appletini on your dick
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
