You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
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I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
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As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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