dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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