Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
