Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
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