i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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