hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
