Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
