I just pynch a tree in the face
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
