my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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