So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
