soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
