wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
