god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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