He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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