I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
well, you know. whores of a feather.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
