I should be sponsored by Trojan
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize