No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
