weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
