we have officially lost it.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
