I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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