I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize