If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
