Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
