He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
