i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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