is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
